Friday, June 12, 2009

Canada Up For Sale - Libertarian Paradise

 As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others.
  Libertarians wield an unusual type of intellect, mostly born out of borderline autistic personality traits, enormous self confidence and a complete lack of connection to reality.

My interpretation of Libertarian views

A speech from the throne by the Right Honorable Stephen Crapaud Prime Minister of Canada and leader of the Libertarian Party, Jan 6th 2019

"My fellow Canadians I am pleased to announce that great progress has been made in our plan to downsize the Federal Government and the heavy burden it has placed on you, your family and Canada's businesses and communities. You will recall that we proposed to eliminate all income tax in the recent election.  Public support was overwhelming from all parts of Canada and led to our commanding majority in the House of Commons.

Due to your overwhelming support you will be pleased to hear that we are now proceeding to make this possible through universal privatization, namely our plans to sell off all public properties including lands, lakes, properties and utilities. In the spirit of the IMF, Libertarian values, Free Trade, Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman this sell-off is open to foreign bidders. The response has been encouraging.

The following has been accomplished to date:
  1. We have accepted The Chinese Development fund (CDF) offer as the highest bidder for the Trans Canada Highway, the Great Lakes and St Lawrence Seaway. Ware asking for more information about their plans before this deal will move forward;. 
  2. Parklands in Canada have been sold to a consortium of investors put together by the Koch Brothers and Sheldon Adelman, a well known owner of gambling syndicates in Asia, the US and Spain.
  3. The Canadian Government will be receiving 22 trillion dollars payable over the next 10 years, a sum exceeding what the GNP would have been during this same period.  
As expected the Manitoba and Ontario Governments are raising some objections about selling off their sections of the Trans Canada Highway and Ontario adds the Great Lakes and and the St Lawrence River to this dispute. Quebec politicians object to everything and are threatening independence again, but we are nevertheless confident we will resolve all these disputes shortly so that the sale of these assets can get underway. As for Hudson's Bay, the Arctic Islands and Northwest Passage, the USA and Russia have formally objected until their disputes over these lands are settled, so this sale is off the table for now."

July 12th 2019 Announcement by Crapaud

"Much progress has been made since January and we are now pleased to announce that the Chairmen of the CDF and the US Koch/Adelman  consortium have formally submitted to the Federal Government their business plans for developing and managing these acquisitions,. The Trans Canada Highway will become a toll road. The roads, rail lines, pipelines and waterways entering the park will exact revenue from people and vehicles on entry and royalties will be applied to all shipments of minerals, and timber leaving these properties. In order to encourage the high price CDF was willing to pay and in accordance with Libertarian principles these operations will be unhindered by any form of costly regulations over the exploitation and methods employed. The Greens, NDP and some Liberals are agitating for environmental regulations and demonstrations are planned across Canada. Be assured that our RCMP  and military will be in attendance and will firmly deal with any trouble makers. In the spirit of Ayn Rand's novel, Atlas Shrugged, and the inspiration of Milton Friedman's economic philosophy and Libertarian principles we have complete confidence that the leaders of the CDF and the American led consortium will do the right thing. The Banks and large Hedge Funds see much profit in all of this and are most enthusiastic in their support."

August 17th 2019 PM's Progress Report from Crapaud

"My fellow citizens, I am pleased to announce that CDF report that the tolls on the highway have been working successfully these past months. Traffic has continued to build. and it has become clear however that operating costs are above expectations if profit objectives are to be met, and accordingly the CDF Board have decided that it will be be necessary to lay off 40,000 Canadian employees to be replaced by less costly labour brought in under contract from the Philippines.

CDF have reported that their plans are being implemented in Alberta  but they are temporarily  encountering serious problems with many campers and Native People entering via trails and through the brush and refusing to pay the fees. CDF have announced that they have no alternative but to build an electric fence around these properties. This will require 6,700 miles of electrified fencing. We are pleased to announce that a contract has been signed with India Steel of New Delhi to undertake this project."

December 5th 2019 Progress Report from Crapaud

Indian Terrorists on the warpath in the Park
"My fellow citizens, this is a plea for the public's cooperation. There have been Native Peoples uprisings and violence over the park fencing project and a large group of terrorist Leftists have joined them. It has something to do with their hunting rights and the migration of animals. It is unfortunate that the NDP, Green Party, some Liberals and even some Conservatives are supporting their misguided cause.  There have been reports of threats and violent confrontations. The employees of India Steel, fearing for their lives have elected to go home. The RCMP have been called in to monitor the situation, Dick Cheney has been contracted as a consultant to offer advice on where we go from here and he is advising that we negotiate with Blackwater to see what can be done. You can appreciate that with the World watching our Global reputation as a Libertarian Free Trader is at stake here."

Globe and Pail Report, December 15th 2019

Vehicles litter Highway 2 near Leduc, Alta. on Thursday March 21, 2013. A blizzard that has been blasting through the Prairies is being blamed for a multi-vehicle crash south of Edmonton that has injured about 100 people.
A Blizzard on the Trans Can Hwy
CDF report that the highways in Alberta and through Rogers Pass were closed for ten days owing to heavy snow storms. A 175 mile traffic back up of cars and trucks occurred and two sections of the highway have experienced serious avalanches that have yet to be cleared. We now realize that Dubai management and their Philippine staff had never encountered snow before and were staying indoors. The federal government is temporarily bringing back some Canadian staff on a part time basis to tackle this problem. Needles to say this will be expensive and in order to sustain profit objectives tolls will be increased, Jan 1st 2020 by 30%.

Globe and Pail Report, June 12th 2020 
Due to the public's unfortunate resistance to these new rates, highway usage has seriously dropped with excessive loads now backing up on secondary roads. CDF reports the Trans Canada highway has become unprofitable until this resistance is resolved. We have also learned that some automated toll booths have been blown up by terrorists and traffic is now entering freely, This must be stopped. Since the RCMP are fully committed to the problems in the parks the government has asked the the Canadian Military as peace keepers to monitor the situation along the highways.

As for the parks controlled by the US Consortium it has become an all out war with our Native People and their leftist supporters doing battle with Blackwater. This is the height of the mosquito and black fly season and it has been reported that this is causing a great deal of suffering among Blackwater's mercenaries who have never encountered such a siege before. They have therefore asked permission to employ Drone aircraft to strike at known terrorists within the parks.

Globe and Pail update, June 12th 2020 

Mr Fin Haddi Chong Bong, Chairman of the CDF has announced that the toll system has broken down and traffic is defiantly moving freely again despite the presence of the military who are simply sitting by. Without funds the CDF has no alternative but to close the highways and send the Philippine workers home. Many are seeking asylum and the Immigration Department has this under review.

Globe and Pail update, June 26th 2020
Drone Aircraft

The arrival of Drone aircraft has been generously arranged with the US Military  and will be courageously operated by 'soccer moms' using video technology that gives them full operational control while siting comfortably in bug free offices in Texas. Flight Commander Evil Braun who has extensive experience in striking villages in Afghanistan will lead her 'soccer moms' into battle

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in protest and in fear of the Drones have gone on strike. It is their first strike since their mutiny in 1876 to protest against an unsavory leader in Bow River, a location now known as Calgary, If Blackwater and their Drone attacks fail to win this struggle soon, all national parks will be closed until further notice.

August 7th 2020. Final report from The Right Honourable Stephen Crapaud

"My fellow Canadians, I am speaking to you from the bunker under the Parliament buildings. The Native Canadians now supported by so many leftists have taken control of the buildings. I am watching on my television the large, noisy and ugly terrorists outside celebrating this disaster, undoubtedly NDPers, Greens, some Liberals and a few turn coat Conservatives. The RCMP and Military are standing aside; simply peace keepers and lacking backbone. My fellow Canadians, you have let this government down, I see on the TV monitor that this mob is now burning me in effigy and I fear for my life. This leaves me with no choice but to accept the Governor General's request for this Government to resign and to fly to Columbia in South America where their democratic government will welcome and protect me."

Aftermath as reported in The Globe and Pail. October 22nd 2020

The Rapture Reproduction photographique sur papier de qualité par Trey Ratcliff
The Rapture
The public is in an uproar. The elections of 2019 based on tax reforms were overwhelmingly supported by wealthy Canadians and most Albertans.  Pensioners and the working class were deeply divided and it was looked upon negatively by box store employees and the unemployed. Since this latter group rarely cast a vote, the results from the election were inevitable. As for religious fundamentalists this chaos seemed to sow all the signs of the Rapture. The Governor General has called for a temporary coalition government (in my opinion The Tower of Babel) to attend to immediate business until an election is called.

Quebec announced separation today and have formed a political alliance with France and will be adopting the Euro. Both the English and French populations in Quebec are solidly behind this.

The US Consortium and CDF have been declared bankrupt and this leaves Canadian and foreign banks and a host of hedge funds and their derivative and credit default swaps left holding the bag. These losses combined with the elimination of income taxes have left the Canadian Feds strapped. They hope to raise four trillion dollars to cover immediate ongoing government expenses.  The bankrupt ventures(US consortium and CDF) are currently working desperately with a variety of foreign venture capitalists, Goldpain Sags, JP Moron, Russian oligarchs, hedge funds and the Chinese to find solutions.

To complicate matters the Greens, NDP and some Liberals have entered into discussions with leftists in Latin America to join Latin America's Bolivarian Revolution, the Native people have declared Nationhood in the parks, and Alberta, Saskatchewan and BC are seriously considering the formation of a Western Nation that will include the NW Territories and the Yukon. The Maritime Provinces have been lying low in all this until it all sorts out. Major oil findings have just been announced off the coast of Nova Scotia so they just might go the way of Norway.

When last heard from, Stephen Crapaud is living comfortably on the coast of Colombia. His very young third wife found the past two years very stressful and decided not to join him. The were subsequently divorced and she is now happily married to her ex tennis coach who has been her good friend for many years.

Latest Globe and Pail: December 3rd 2020

Stephen Crapaud and an 18 year old woman who was visiting with him at the time have been kidnapped. FARC claims responsibility and has taken them off into the jungle. They are asking for an undisclosed sum from the Canadian Government for their release. What remains of the Canadian Government has this situation under review.

The investors in China and the USA face a 22 trillion dollar loss write off and this is causing panic in financial markets and threatens the bankruptcy of many banks. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you feel about hedge fund, these operators will survive because they  have sold derivatives and credit default swaps and passed on their losses to investors